How to find solutions

Though words do not always find solutions, words give us a better chance than when we make assumptions about what others are saying or doing, or when we think others can read our minds.

I know I have this issue, and I think many of us do, that we believe we are being more clear than we are actually being. It is clear in my mind, why is it not clear in yours?

What we don't always realize, however, is that the missing pieces of the story or communication, often gets filled in by the other person’s experiences, biases, and stories. To truly get our point’s across, we need to communicate in a manner where we ensure we are being understood, and that we are truly understanding where the other person is coming from.

Another component that could lead to miscommunication is we could be putting people on the defensive. When this happens, it is harder for them to see our points of view. This is an important point to understand. When we are having a miscommunication, an important question to ask ourselves is: "what is our part in it?"

Maybe we don’t realize that we came across as snippy or that our biases have come out. 

Maybe we don't realize that what we are saying is triggering for them.

As soon as you sense a disconnect happening in a conversation, I recommend you ask the other person what they think it is that you are saying. Come at this from a curiosity mindset, not an accusatory one.

By having open communication and dialogue, we can go very far in finding solutions. 

By listening, acknowledging, clarifying, getting the back story (understanding of how/why the other has their point of view), being open, and taking responsibility for our part, we can work together to find solutions.